My version of the wild orchids probably has to be hiking. Maybe it does not sound intricate enough, but I would definitely say that it is a source of individual bliss and that I do it purely for myself and the joy of doing it. I also do not think that others really understand how important it is to me and how much I get out of it. I am not a spiritual person per se, and I think hiking to me is my personal version of spirituality. I am hoping that I one day get to go on a hike that will last for multiple months, not just weeks.
My Trotsky is suicide prevention. Even though it does not always feel like I am truly making a difference, volunteering for an online crisis intervention is definitely something that gives me purpose and makes me feel like I am contributing to something bigger. It is really taxing, and you get a lot of misses, and often people do not necessarily stick around for long in the conversation. But to have even one single person tell you that you have saved their life is an incredible, humbling thing to experience.
Reflecting on the question of whether I experience tension between self-interest or self-care and looking after others and their interests makes me realize how much more balanced I have become in life. I do tend to be a people pleaser and have a hard time with saying no. I do not think that this has necessarily changed a lot, but my mindset has shifted quite a bit over the years. Through that, I see my actions in a very different light and tend to reevaluate them in more positive terms.
Where I do see friction though is when I think about “others” in a more indirect way. So, not referring to the actual people in my life, but the larger, general “others” in society, perhaps even non-human. I often feel like I put my self-interest over the interest of the other. I am passionate about animal welfare and try to avoid animal products as much as possible and feel like I am neglecting that care when I am buying cheese (I know that this might seem extreme to some, but it is truthful to my experience). I care about the environment but choose my own self-interest of buying a coffee over the avoidance of waste. Those are the tensions that I do experience quite a bit, but I also think that it is just part of life. We will never be perfect. We can only ever strive for balance.
